Kosher Salt

You’re Chai-ered!: You may remember the potential for DC’s Old Post Office pavilion to become the National Museum of the Jewish People, adjacent to a spiffy new Hyatt Hotel. Unfortunately, the Donald wins again. The space is set to become a 250-room Trump hotel. This way, if he pretends to run for President again, he’ll have a place to stay in the Capital.

Sonogram superstitions: Jewish folklore when it comes to pregnancy includes things like not stepping on cut toenails for fear of miscarriage and biting an etrog to ensure easy delivery. Tablet’s Allison Hoffman has pre-natal superstition covered in her latest piece.

Never forget: Comedians Rachel Bloom and Adam Glasser released a new Funny or Die video promoting the Holocaust Museum of New Mexico because in the words of Bloom, “The Nazis? Yeah, they killed like everybody.” (Warning: It’s super un-PC but admittedly hilarious).

Allegations: Hadassah is investigating whether two of its top board executive committee members misused charitable funds. The Forward writes of problems in the organization’s management structure.

Leaf-ing differences behind: Tu B’Shvat is in the air (or is that tree pollen?) in the West Bank today. School children from the Efrat settlement and Palestinians of nearby Jurat al-Shama came together to plant trees aiming to block hazardous dust from a nearby processing plant.

Saturday Night Tribe: Lastly, if you missed Adam Sandler and Andy Samberg together on Jimmy Fallon, you missed an adorable man-fest of multi-era SNL laughs. Watch it here.

Anyone who read Freakonomics remembers the chapter on how a person’s name can pre-determine their future. If that frightening piece of incredible parental pressure got you thinking about the name game, Susan Weidman Schneider, editor of Lilith magazine has plenty more to say on what’s in a name and the latest issue of the mag.

KS: What’s the greatest perk/biggest obstacle in working as editor of an independent, Jewish and frankly feminist magazine?

SWS: Editing Lilith magazine, now celebrating its 35^th year, is a treat. The writers are wonderful, the ideas new and stimulating, and the end product is, I hope, insightful and always a good read—whether it’s in print, on the web via our soon-to-appear digital edition, or on the lively Lilith blog.

KS: What do you think is the most impactful topic that Lilith has covered?

SWS: That’s a tough one. The major issues Lilith has opened up have been topics like violence in Jewish families; Jewish women’s philanthropy and our relationship to money; Jewish hair—a sellout issue by the way; rabbinic sexual misconduct; new rituals and celebrations for the Jewish calendar and for the landmarks of our lives.

The last couple of Lilith salons at Sixth & I were really dynamite, and they dealt with cover stories that, like the what-we-call-ourselves story in Lilith’s current issue, resonate in our lives. One salon had to do with an article on breaking up over food. We spent about three hours in spirited discussion about what we eat, why it can sometimes be schismatic, what food represents in a relationship, and more. The second salon focused on what we wear. You can imagine! The talk ranged from our favorite garments to how we want to present ourselves to the world as feminists, as Jews, as professionals. Clothing is a powerful signifier, and we really mined that territory in our conversation.

So, I would say that every issue of the magazine has topics that impact both our own lives and the community at large. It’s hard to choose just one or two.

KS: Do you think that something is lost when women choose to take their husbands’ names and give up their maiden names?

SWS: Of course. Let’s take Facebook as an example. Ever tried to find your high school buddy Suzanne Cohen, when she’s now on there only as Suzanne Kaminsky? You get the idea.

Now that women are marrying later—after they’ve already established themselves in careers and have a professional identity—there’s confusion of identities with changing your surname.

Other women say that they like the simplicity of having all family members bearing the same last name. Perhaps this is why a rather public woman made a different choice. New York Times reporter Jodi Wilgoren, who, though she’d had front-page bylines under her birth name, decided when she married a fellow whose last name was Ruderman that she and he would have a new last name altogether: Rudoren.

KS: On February 8, you’ll lead What’s in a Hyphen?, a salon about naming practices for women. Why do you think some women are reluctant to hyphenate their children’s names?

SWS: Well, the first reason everyone mentions is the clumsiness they predict will happen when a “hyphenate” marries another “hyphenate.” Does the child of this union have to carry around Jennifer Goldberg-Schwartz-Lipkin-Myerson? That’s one reason why the Lilith article is so appealing to readers: it posits a whole new way of dealing with the children-of-hyphenates worry.

Unless the parents also use hyphenated surnames, there is the general feeling of oddness when parents and children do not have the same last name. I think many Jews carry a certain degree of post-traumatic stress following the Holocaust when we’re asked to separate ourselves out–say in a customs and immigration queue for an international flight—and the children have to sort themselves into a different line from the parents. Of course, this is an uneasiness that could happen also when a woman keeps her birth name (I hate to say “maiden” name) while the children have their father’s last name.

KS: How do you think a name affects a woman’s Jewish identity?

SWS: This is a fascinating question. I’m sure many of us know of interfaith marriages where a Jewish woman with a typically Jewish surname takes her husband’s seemingly non-Jewish surname. What do people assume when they first meet her? And then there are Jewish women with first names that are usually associated with non-Jews: Christina, Mary.

The opposite happens, too. A family intermarried for several generations who still bear the surname Cohen, though they identify with other religions and would not be considered Jewish.

Names do play a role in Jewish identity. Many surnames started out as something linked with either being Jewish or associated with “foreignness.” The classic case would be the New York financier who, in the 19^th century, went from Schoenburg to Belmont–a direct translation. There are people named Klein who became Small, Gross who became Large, and so on. Then there are the names given at Ellis Island, when “Old Country” names were deemed too difficult for the processing agent to pronounce or spell. Of course, some people were happy to unload their Jewish names, but we’ve also seen a resurgence of interest in those original names. Children or grandchildren want to revert, surprising their older relatives who got rid of those family names to better assimilate into American society.

Susan Weidman Schneider facilitates a discussion on the influence of naming practices on our identities as women and Jews at the Wednesday, February 8^th event, What’s in a Hyphen?. Part of Not Your Bubbe’s Sisterhood: For women in their 20s and 30s.

Read the Lilith articles on naming practices here. 

Hasbro/Getty Images via The Hollywood Reporter

Because Chutes and Ladders turns out to be painfully boring when played after the age of seven, and Mousetrap takes way too long for anyone working the daily grind to actually set up, here is a digestible version of Candy Land that may be tolerable for all ages. Adam Sandler, who seemingly only makes terrible movies (read: Jack and Jill) these days, is in final talks with Sony and Hasbro to make a film based on the classic children’s board game. The candy-themed movie is set to be directed by Kevin Lima.

Reuters has the (ice cream) scoop on the film deal:

In a statement, Columbia Pictures President Doug Belgrad called “Candy Land” more than just a game — “it is a brand that children, parents and grandparents know and love.” He said that it offers a larger than life part for Sandler.

Candy Land, created in 1949, is a game for young children. In it, players make their way through the Peppermint Forest, the Gum Drop Mountains and the Lollypop Woods. As they do, they encounter Princess Frostine, Lord Licorice, Mr. Mint and King Candy.

Hasbro’s president and CEO, Brian Goldner, is producing, along with the company’s senior VP and managing director of motion pictures, Bennett Schneir, and Happy Madison Productions.

Although the project was originally set up by Universal, switching hands to our favorite You Don’t Mess with the Zohan star (that’s right, I went with Zohan over Happy Gilmore) could mean that Kosherland, a film based on the “beginner’s game for a Jewish child,” is that much more possible. Sweet.

Out of the corner of my eye earlier today, I noticed my cell phone light up. Without reaching to dim the backlight, I knew it was displaying a monthly reminder to “pay rent,” a polite but painful recurring cue that it’s time to contribute my portion of dues for the apartment I share with my roommate.

For a 23-year-old, living with a roommate is fairly common.  For a young woman in a relationship of nearly four years, living with a roommate, rather than my partner, seems much rarer. The number of opposite sex couples cohabiting in the US is 7.5 million. Anecdotally, 100% of the couples’ whose weddings I have attended in the past year alone (totaling eight) have lived together before they said their official vows. While they vary in race, religion, and socioeconomic status, all of the aforementioned couples are college educated. Yet, according to the Pew Research Center, college-educated partners are two times less likely to cohabit than those that are not college educated.

As a result of the trend, quite often people ask me why I don’t live with my long-term “manfriend.” (It is a well-known fact you can’t write about modern relationships without at least one Sex and the City reference. So there you have it, Carrie, take your royalties and go buy Manolo’s!)

According to the New York Times, a study released in March 2010 showed that only about 23 percent of women and 18 percent of men married without having lived together. The National Institute of Child Health and Human Development says:

“Cohabitation, once rare, is now the norm: The researchers found that more than half (54 percent) of all first marriages between 1990 and 1994 began with unmarried cohabitation. They estimate that a majority of young men and women of marriageable age today will spend some time in a cohabiting relationship.”

So, given the stats, why don’t I live with my boyfriend? When I receive that monthly rent reminder I almost always ask myself this question. Inside, I’m 14-years-old again stomping my feet while whining to my mother that “Everybody else is doing it,” but the standard rebuttal of “If everybody else was jumping off a bridge would you?” isn’t my mother’s this time. Instead, a combination of factors lead me to believe it’s not the right choice for me yet, namely newness, feeling too young, and, as a DC resident since 2010, the desire to establish my own distinct life before joining so much of my life with another person.

Too often people note that when you’ve lived together before marriage, marriage feels essentially no different. My partner and I are committed to having each phase of our relationship feel as new, as exciting, and as different as possible.

In part because of the statistics showing that cohabitation is either harmful to a relationship or has no effect at all, and in part because I have a low tolerance for negativity in love (If a loving relationship can’t motivate positivity, what can?), I scoff at the counter-arguments. “You need to test the waters,” “You’re going to fight often in the beginning, you need to make sure you can handle it together,” “You’ll discover things you can’t possibly know before you live together,” and of course the “It’s harder to divorce than to move out” argument, are amongst the most common. But I’m not so convinced that cynicism simply trumps confidence in a healthy, fulfilling relationship.

Not to be mistaken for naiveté, I know that living together takes work, as do so many aspects of successful relationships, but each of the aforementioned arguments assumes the worst and neglects to consider how things like long vacations together, spending significant portions of time in each other’s spaces, and addressing potential obstacles in advance can significantly reduce the chance of failure. Plus, waiting to move in together until after marriage offers the chance for post-nuptial highs and temporary euphoria to surface just long enough to cover the adjustment period.

Is the (admittedly somewhat romanticized) nature of preserving new experiences enough to justify spending hundreds of dollars per month in rent and utility costs? Here is where my convictions waver, but I nearly always arrive at the same conclusion. I believe the notion of cohabiting and potentially sacrificing the opportunity to begin an exciting new chapter from a truly new vantage point, should not simply be a financial solution. Women have made such enormous strides in establishing financial independence in the US, that to again reduce heterosexual relationships to mere financial arrangements (regardless of how mutually beneficial) is a bit frustrating. I do, however, recognize that financial need can be a highly important factor in decision-making, and each individual has to do what is right for them.

So, I will obey the reminder and begrudgingly pay my rent, but at least I do so with the peace of mind that there will be new, exciting things to come.

Where my girls at?: Jane Eisner of The Forward questions where all the Jewish women are in her piece addressing the absences of women in American Jewish public life. Eisner says, “Too many public discussions, events and programs hosted by the Jewish community have few or no women participating.” Plus, the results of The Forward’s recent survey of 76 national Jewish organizations show that the gender gap is growing as men’s salaries increase and women’s remain stagnant.

Incredibly close: It’s true, finally DC will have some “really really ridiculously good-looking” people. Or at least a TV show on HBO. Ben Stiller is teaming up with Sixth & I veteran Jonathan Safran Foer (SPOILER ALERT: Foer will return on March 19^th to discuss his latest work, The New American Haggadah) on a sitcom about a Washington, DC Jewish family. I wonder where the DC native got that idea.

Good grief: Hypochondriacs—or alarmists, as Woody Allen would note—can rejoice, or potentially wince, at the thought of a new definition of depression that may alter the way we whine. A change to the diagnosis of depression may make grieving periods fall under the umbrella of a treatable disorder.

Photo via AIC

Prideful city: Readers of GayCities.com rate Tel Aviv as the best gay city in the world. Take that, San Fran. In a recent survey co-sponsored by American Airlines, Tel Aviv received 43% of the vote.

And the nominees are: By now you’ve heard who the Academy chose as contenders for the Oscars, but in case you prefer to see the Hollywood stats through a Jewish lens, the Jewish Journal has a round-up for you.

This was the title of the panel discussion I attended last night at the Newseum, sponsored by the Religious Freedom Education Project and several other organizations including Unity Productions Foundation (UPF).

The crowd slowly filed into the Annenberg Theater—usually home to the museum’s 4D time-travel movie—and the diversity of the attendees was immediately evident. I squeezed into a seat to the right of an African American woman and behind a Muslim woman in a hijab.

The event began with Muslim-American Alexander Kronemer of UPF introducing the short film, My Fellow American. The film featured voices of some Right Wing commentators making extreme claims about the religion of Islam overlaid on video clips of everyday Americans—doctors, fire fighters, businessmen, children—who also happened to be Muslims.

Following the film, the event continued with an expert panel moderated by Dr. Charles Haynes, director of the Religious Freedom Education Project at the Newseum. Panelists included: Haroon Moghul of the Institute for Social Policy and Understanding, Melissa Rogers of the Center for Religion and Public Affairs at Wake Forest University, Rabbi Marc Schneier of the Foundation for Ethnic Understanding, and Asma Uddin of The Becket Fund for Religious Liberty.  Of the panelists, two were Muslim, one was Jewish, and one was Baptist.

Haynes emphasized the agenda of the night, encouraging people to “ask the hard questions about Islam in America,” either by coming up to the microphones in the front of the theater or submitting questions via note card. Not so surprisingly, only a handful of people (two at first, and a few other stragglers toward the end) actually came up to the mic to ask a question and simultaneously reveal their ideas about Islam to a 500-person crowd. I saw this as evidence that our collaborative fear of openly discussing and asking about Islam may, in itself, be one of the fundamental reasons events like this are so essential.

Most questions were relatively profound and not judgmental nor close-minded. Even the woman who clearly hadn’t read this post and spent a little too much time deliberating about her own personal belief system (or was it atheism?) offered a meaningful inquiry into the parts of Islam that many Americans know little about.

One question fell along the lines of: Don’t we actually have good reasons to be fearful of Muslims? Look at all of the killings made in honor of Islam, etc.

Across the panel, the response to this was a version of, “These are fringe groups and not the case for the majority of Muslims.” More specifically, Rabbi Schneier said, “All the radical groups are fringe groups. There are internal struggles between extremism and modernism. Every religion has this battle.”

Uddin answered the question as it relates to Shariah law, explaining that the number one victims of oppressive interpretations of Shariah law are Muslims, and that it is not Muslims who are the problem, but the governments that influence these laws. Following, Moghul strongly stated, “Nothing in the world can be explained by a single factor.”

From there, several topics were addressed. Issues ranged from connotation of the term “jihad” to the notion that interpretation and oral traditions are essential to religious texts.

I submitted the question, “Given current discourse and the portrayal of Muslims in the American media, is it even possible to turn US public opinion away from the idea that ‘all Muslims are terrorists’? If so, how? What steps can be taken by both Muslim-Americans as well as non-Muslim Americans to combat Islamophobia?” The topic was mostly addressed, although asked in fewer words and with a stronger emphasis on the role of the media.

Answers to a version of my submitted question included, “We need increased social responsibility,” and that Islam must continue to work on building institutions.

Rabbi Schneier responded, “I believe that the process has begun. The Muslim community is becoming more vocal and learning how to communicate with the media.”

The importance of this issue is tremendous. We have seen progressive movements change societal opinions and behaviors throughout history, but how is it different with contemporary Muslim-Americans? Does the idea that some Muslims have committed evil acts set an unconquerable prejudice beyond the prejudices against other minorities? Can a progressive movement be powerful enough to sway US public opinion on this issue today?

In advance of the band’s DC appearance, we asked Delta Rae’s singer-songwriter and guitarist Ian Hölljes about Hanson, harmonies, and the band of brothers (and sister, and a few non-relatives).

 
KS: There’s some family love in the band given that several of the Delta Rae members are siblings. How does the all-in-the-family vibe affect the work you guys do?

IH: I think it has a really strong influence. It makes things intense. Given how long we’ve all known each other, there’s a lot of trust between us, but also a willingness to call each other out if anyone’s not being honest. We really push each other to give stronger performances and we’re competitive with one another. Someone sets a bar and we all want to reach it. And we’re passionate, as is the music, which means we all really care about what we project on stage and in our recordings. At the end of the day though, we are family and we have each other’s backs. The rewards that come from accomplishing something together are huge.

KS: We recently hosted North Carolina band Bombadil. Do you feel any sense of camaraderie with other bands from North Carolina?

IH: Absolutely, and with Bombadil in particular. I’ve known those guys for years. We were at Duke at the same time and were part of the same music scene there. Their records are great and their live show is a blast. We’re very proud to be from North Carolina — there’s incredible music coming from both the Triangle (Durham, Raleigh, Chapel Hill) where we are and throughout the state. I find NC bands — Lost in the Trees, Mount Moriah, Jeanne Jolly, Mandolin Orange, etc — on my iPod all the time and it’s exciting to know that all this amazing music is being born so close to home.

KS: Your harmonies are some of the most popular and unique elements of your music. What does it take to find the perfect harmony?

IH: Time and practice. We rehearse a lot, and the four singers in our band have been singing together since we were in high school. I think in our case finding passionate singers whose voices could equal each others’ intensities was key. Then you have to refine that and really listen to each other. A big part of harmonizing is hearing your fellow singers and matching them. It’s humbling, really. I like that quality of singing in a group: creating one voice bigger than your own.

KS: What was it like to open for Hanson back in 2010?

IH: It was awesome. Isaac, Taylor, and Zac were very kind to us and so encouraging. They’ve kept in touch and offered advice and support since that show. At the time, it was the biggest crowd we’d ever played for and the audience was so fun. Hanson fans are a unique breed. We have had people who were introduced to us at that show travel across the country to come to our shows.  The energy and enthusiasm that they bring to music is really inspiring. And rightfully so — Hanson puts on a killer show.

KS: Tell us what you’re looking  forward to most about your upcoming DC performance?

IH: Well, I look forward to every chance to come to DC — it’s probably my favorite city. In particular, I’m super enthused because it’s our first time playing Sixth & I and I just keep hearing what a beautiful venue it is and what great sound you all have. We have a lot of friends in the area that I’m excited to see and I can’t wait to put on an mind-blowing show. What’s not to look forward to?

Delta Rae performs live with special guest Say Chance on our Downstairs stage on Tuesday, January 24 at 8:00 pm. 

Brain freeze: In the most devastating frozen dessert news since spleen and artichoke flavored ice cream, Israel’s Chief Rabbinate has banned Häagen Dazs on the grounds that it is not kosher. The icy debate seems to be rooted in whether or not unsupervised liquid milk in the brand’s ice cream can be considered kosher. General Mills Israel argues that when it comes to disobeying strict global OU kashrut supervision, Häagen Dazs not.

Hole-y mission: Given that DC has a relatively large number of Jews and a very small number of delicious bagels, this entrepreneurial pair of bagel baking brothers may provide some inspiration. They’ve formed the Detroit Institute of Bagels encouraging people to come in from the suburbs to grab the best bagels in the Motor City.

Making the minyan: Two of Sixth & I’s own, Rabbi Shira Stutman and Esther Foer, have been voted two of the 10 Most Interesting Local Jews of the Year by the Washington Jewish Week.

Jesse Grant/WireImage.com

Funnier with age: Judd Apatow plans to bring us something as funny as Knocked Up, but hopefully with less crowning.  In a spin-off to the movie that made viewers want to have unplanned pregnancies with potheads that look like Seth Rogen, This is 40 hits theaters on December 21, 2012. Paul Rudd and Leslie Mann will revive their roles from Knocked Up, but the new film focuses on what it’s like to get older.

Birthday boy: In equally important funny celebrity/Jewish Hollywood news, it’s Jason Segel’s birthday! The actor, who I only ever refer to as “Marshmallow,” turns 32 today. Not-so-secret bonus: Segel is said to appear in This is 40.

Photo via Getty Images

Barack Obama’s re-election campaign is gearing up as Mitt Romney moves toward the GOP nomination. So, in order to get his re-election campaign moving, the President and his team have created a list of the celebrities he ideally wants to endorse him in the coming months. The list is massive, includes stars from all ends of the celeb-spectrum, and most importantly, was leaked online here.

Not surprisingly, somewhere between Oprah and George Clooney, some influential Jews made the list–not-so-Jewish Whoopi Goldberg included.

Glee’s Lea Michele, Sarah Jessica Parker, Bette Midler, Senator Al Franken, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Mila Kunis, Regina Spektor, and Producer Harvey Weinstein, were listed amongst other members of the Tribe.

Sixth & I veterans Tina Fey, Chris Cornell, and Esperanza Spalding made the list too. (Can we get a Presidential Seal of Approval?)

President Obama, please have a re-election dinner party for your distinguished wish list of stars. Also, please invite us.